Starting again (again).

Hello and welcome to another blog post from the girl who can’t seem to actually get her butt into gear and write a regular blog post. Was my last one a year ago? Longer? Less? I don’t know and I am am apparently too lazy to check. At any rate, it has been a while.

Today I logged in with the intention of deleting my account. My main reasons being:

1. My life is boring and no one needs to read about it.
2. Some of my “projects” have been a bit crap and I don’t really need a large audience viewing them (I’m not quite sure who this “large audience” is, but in my head there a MILLIONS of people potentially reading about me and my not-very-good attempts at “art”.)
3. I am, as mentioned before, slack at posting on a regular basis.
4. I’m not sure what the focus of my blog is meant to be. Is it craft? Is it cooking? Is it long-winded opinion pieces? I don’t know. Which means my readers don’t know either.
5. I have a very busy life and no time to keep up with a blog.

All valid reasons, perhaps, but probably more akin to lame excuses, if I’m being honest. Let us look at these points and (because, hey, you made it this far and I’m clearly continuing on, so it would be rude for you to leave now…) see if we can offer an alternate viewpoint:

1. Boringness: Maybe my life is a tad on the tame side. I’m not exactly climbing mountains or winning races or embarking on fascinating journeys of self-discovery. But, I would imagine, that that is true for many people. MOST people in fact. So maybe people might like to read about someone who is like them and not pretending to be AMAZING and interesting ALL THE TIME (how very tiring that must be!). I’m just a regular person trying to make it through life with minimum drama and chaos, and if that makes me boring then snore away!
2. Who said I have to be the best artist of all time to deserve having a blog? Who made that dumb rule? Me, clearly. I am learning all the time and just trying to have a creative life and share the process and if some of my handiwork is a bit on the crap side, who cares? I like it when other artists show their failures or not-quite-perfect projects because it helps me to remember that we all make mistakes and sometimes really cool stuff can come from a stumble.
3. Me being a slack blogger is probably not on anyone’s list of “Things that make life harder/annoying/disappointing”. I’m just not that important, in the scheme of things. So I should take that worry off the table.
4. Lack of focus is, again, not the end of the world. Is anyone paying to read my blog? No. Is anyone basing their entire life strategy or business plan on my blog? No. Is anyone locked in to following my blog for the rest of their life? No. What does it matter if I post about cookies one day and then discuss the merits of bed socks the next? You can come and go as you please. Why am I trying to limit my likes and dislikes to one subject?
5. I am very busy… making excuses. That’s what takes up my time. I think “Oh I am not good enough/interesting enough/productive enough to have a blog” What a load of tosh.

So, you can see, I decided not to delete my account. Not just yet anyway. Maybe I will let it stick around. Because maybe I enjoy writing these sporadic posts. Maybe, just maybe, I am allowed to do something just for myself – shock, horror! – and it doesn’t need to be for anyone else. And it doesn’t need to be exciting, or earth-shattering or even remotely clever. It just needs to be honest.

I am “starting over” in many areas of my life right now so this blog will be just one tiny piece of that enormous puzzle. Pretty sure I will get fed up, lose pieces and chuck it all on the floor during several tantrums, but that’s ok. My life, just like me, is a work in progress 🙂

Taking Stock June 2022

Hello friends 🙂

It’s been a while since I did a “Taking Stock” post (respectfully borrowed from Pip Lincolne’s blog Meet Me at Mike‘s) and now is as good a time as any.

Getting: A haircut. As per my routine, I let it grow throughout the warmer months, so it is easier to pull back into a pony tail. Then, come Winter, I chop it all off into a short bob. Just got it cut this past weekend. About 4 inches were chopped off. No one at work noticed. Either that means they literally didn’t notice, or it looks bad and they don’t want to say anything

Making: Library displays. I get to do that now, at my new job. Happy days!

Liking: Our new Prime Minister. So far. It’s early days 🙂

Loving: My cats, Atticus and Harper. They are so affectionate and sweet and mischievous and funny. They make me laugh and they bring me joy and love. I am officially the Crazy Old Cat Lady now. Atticus recently had a bit of a health wobble, but I think he’s ok now. Crazy Old Cat Lady had a minor nervous breakdown, however…. On another note, I can recommend getting your pet an anti-anxiety bed. My two love theirs and I really do feel it has lowered any anxiety they feel (they’re both very timid, nervous cats) and given them a warm, comfortable place to chill out. The beds are available everywhere – shop around to get a decent price. Mine were under $20 each. I found some similar ones here, if you’re interested.

Cooking: Crackers. Five-seeded ones to be exact. I’ve been using this recipe.

Sipping: At the moment I am drinking Fennel Tea. It’s supposed to help tummy problems. The jury is still out on that one but I am giving it a go….

Reading: Lots of books! I have been reading so much more, now I have a regular lunch break. At the moment, I am nearing the end of “Mercy Street” by Tess Evans. It’s delightful.

Thinking: Way too much. Overthinking should be an Olympic sport.

Remembering: My Uncle who passed away from dementia last month. His funeral was a celebration of his life and how loved he was. Tears were shed, but there was a lot of laughter too. No one can wish for anything more in life than having friends and family who loved them right up to the end.

Looking: For an Estate Sale. I never see these advertised here in Perth. They must exist, dammit! I shall look harder…

Listening: To lots of podcasts when I walk. I still like Desert Island Discs and Walking the Dog with Emily Dean, but I also tune into a few others. Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain keeps me amused and Take 5 offers some interesting insights into people’s musical choices and inspirations. I am open to any recommendations!

Wishing: For peace in the Ukraine.

Enjoying: Wordle. Yep, I hopped on that bandwagon without a second thought.

Appreciating: My new job. I always wanted to work in a school library and now here I am. It’s not perfect, and I am still getting my head around things, but it is a million times better than where I was. Less stress and chaos. More creativity and calm. I am so grateful.

Wanting: The Winter to be over. It just officially started today (*cries*)

Eating: Too much. I recently had an amazing Okonomiyaki at Taylor’s in the Valley. SO GOOD. You should go there.

Finishing: Some craft projects, but not many, if I am honest. Life has been busy.

Buying: A fortnightly cup of coffee. I avoid coffee as it is not good for my kidneys but allow myself one good cup every fortnight now. It is bliss.

Watching: Lots of Jane Austen (or any kind of period drama) movies. They’re very relaxing and calming. On the other hand, I also find myself watching true crime stories on Youtube. Nothing too horrible. I enjoy the courtroom stuff, the interrogations and how the police solve the crime. I love a good, dumb criminal who gets their comeuppance.

Hoping: I will get my house sorted out. I’m in such a mess. I may just move.

Wearing: Anything baggy. Middle-aged spread is a thing. It’s less of a spread and more of a downward, melting spiral of hell. Also, leggings. In public. I am trying to be less self-conscious and wear things that everybody else wears without giving a s@*t what anyone else thinks. But I wear a really baggy, long t-shirt. I don’t want to frighten people.

Walking: Not nearly enough. But when I do, I enjoy a stroll around the local reserve (in leggings!) where I can watch the antics of happy dogs playing and running about. It makes me happy 🙂

Following: The Johnny Depp / Amber Heard trial. I know, I know, it’s dreadful but I am fascinated by courtroom stuff, regardless of the people involved. I have to say I found much of it (and the subsequent media / social media storm) quite sickening. I am neither Team Depp nor Heard, but I am quite horrified by the public’s reaction to Amber. Did we not just go through the whole #METOO thing? People are so judgemental of a situation that they know nothing about. I don’t think either party is completely innocent in this case – I think it was toxic all round – but booing someone outside a courtroom who has, at this stage, NOT been found guilty and is possibly the victim of domestic abuse is a bit s@*tty. It sends a bad message to anyone who has been abused. We don’t KNOW, we weren’t THERE. Regardless of the outcome, there are no real winners here. We have a very long way to go in terms of gender equality and bias. And the end of the day, I have one thing to say : DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS! THEY MAKES PEOPLE DO DUMB THINGS!!!

Noticing: Beautiful sunsets / sunrises lately. The sky can be so beautiful.

Saving: My cats’ whiskers. What for? I don’t know. But I can’t throw them out!

Feeling: Anxious. All the time. I recently tried a few sessions of hypnotherapy in the hope it would help me calm my farm. But I didn’t get any benefit from it at all. So I am back to the drawing board. I think Hypnotherapy is an excellent tool and would work really well for most people. I’m just not most people 😦

Hearing: Silence. After 18 months of listening to a VERY LOUD whirlybird (ventilation thingy) on our neighbour’s roof, there are signs that they may be having it replaced/repaired. I was literally in the process of putting a “Dear Neighbour” letter in their mailbox yesterday, when I looked up and saw that the top of the whirlybird was gone and replaced with a sheet of plastic. Which, hopefully (please God!), means they are doing something about it. It has seriously been driving me bonkers.

So I think that’s it. It does seem mental that it is June already. Why is time speeding up? Why am I nearing 50 and clueless as to what I’m supposed to be doing? Why are people so excited about the new Top Gun movie when I haven’t even seen the first one? (and don’t plan on doing so). Speaking of guns, when will appropriate gun laws finally be introduced in the U.S?

On that controversial note, I will bid you adieu. Have a glorious day wherever you are! 🙂

Flying Cows and Changes

Hellooooooo! Has it really been more than two years since I posted? It would appear so!

How’s everyone been doing? Coping ok in this crazy world we find ourselves in? I am lucky enough to be in Western Australia where, for the most part, we’ve escaped (or avoided) much of the COVID misery. Due to being such an isolated state, we’ve been able to close our borders and keep COVID at bay. I think we all know it will come, and probably with a vengeance, but we are grateful to not be in constant lockdown or have the high numbers of infection, hospitalisation and death. We’ve had the usual panic toilet paper-buying (why?!?!?) and the occasional empty supermarket shelf but, mostly, we’ve been VERY lucky. If you’ve been impacted in a bad way, my thoughts are with you. Hopefully we will see light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Life has been tricky, even without COVID complicating things. My workplace has been through a million changes and none of them particularly good. I don’t deal well with change. At all. Not one bit. On the outside, I am one of those people that others call “adaptable” and “flexible”, “easy-going” and “goes with the flow”. On the inside I am basically a storm of anxiety. Like in the movies where there’s a tornado and cow goes flying past through the air, mooing and looking confused…that’s my brain.

I have been basically working four roles, all of which really require a full-time person to manage each of them adequately. Or, at least, someone that doesn’t have large farmyard animals floating around in their head. Things have really been getting to me and I have allowed myself to be mentally beaten down and emotionally exhausted. Over-eating and under-sleeping have become part of my regular routine and I’ve basically just been a miserable so-and-so.

So, for the last year or so I have been looking for other work. I had a few interviews but didn’t manage to impress anyone very much. I think my self confidence is at an all-time low and I wasn’t able to sell myself. Plus, y’know, the cow thing. Eventually, a job came up that I was really interested in. One I could see myself doing fairly happily and with less stress. A library job that I am actually qualified for, and that isn’t funded by fickle government budgets that could end at any moment. And it’s a SCHOOL library job, which I have always wanted to do. And the hours are great which means there’s a chance I can restore some work/life balance. So I spent many days working on the application (God, I HATE selection criteria!) and hoped for the best. When I received the phone call saying I was successful in gaining an interview, I went into panic mode, like I always do. But, I gave myself a good talking to before the interview; “You can do this! You can do this! Ignore the bloody cow!” and managed to give a reasonable performance ie didn’t cry, wet my pants or embarrass myself.

So, to cut a long story short, in two weeks’ time I start my brand new job. Eek! Yesterday was my last day at my regular job. Eek! It was a sad day. After eight and half years I have made some wonderful friendships and will miss people terribly. But things have changed so much and I just didn’t feel that I belonged anymore. Time for a change to reset, refresh and restore a bit of confidence in myself. In my last few days I received such lovely messages and phone calls from clients, saying how much they’d miss me and what a great job I had done. It helped me to feel better and more confident that maybe I am capable of, well, being capable. And useful. And competent.

The only bad thing is that it is a LOT less money. I admit I did have a slight meltdown about that. But I am frugal (ie a tightwad) and do not have extravagant tastes (ie I will live on toast if I have to) and life is not all about money. As long as the cats can continue to live in the style to which they are accustomed, it will be ok.

My workmates gave me a lovely send-off and were so generous in buying my some amazing parting gifts. I got power tools. Power tools! A jigsaw and a nail gun. I am so thrilled. There are so many projects I want to do and having the proper tools is so cool. Will I injure myself? Almost certainly. But that’s par for the course for me so I am prepared for that.

So, for the next couple of weeks I am going to hopefully get stuck in to my crafting, sort my cesspit of a house out, catch up with friends and just get my head together. Also, there will be naps. Lots of naps.

I am nervous as the dickens about starting the new position, but my new employers seem lovely and welcoming and I have to have faith that this will all work out and that I will be ok. I need to stop being scared of everything and everyone and just be an adult. Take the bull by the horns. Or the flying cow, in this instance.

Wish me luck.